Hitting Bottom, Again and Again. And again.

I left the following comment on How Do You KNOW When You’ve Hit Bottom Altucher Confidential on the James Altucher blog.

It’s a good as place as any to restart my blog, to reboot my life and document what’s going on with me, inside me.

I’ve hit bottom a few times. Each time the bottom is deeper and nastier than the time before.

I hit bottom when my first long term relationship (14 years?) ended.

I hit bottom again when in a long distance relationship with someone with BPD, leading to suicidal thoughts as I failed to cope with constant the pressures and abuses
put upon me.

And I’m on the way down even lower and I don’t know where it will end following the destruction of a long term relationship (four and a half years) with a magnificent
woman 74 days ago. The destruction caused by the woman with BPD with whom I’d remained in contact to honour my promise to “always be her friend”. Caused because she
didn’t want me to be with another woman and manipulated me into giving her ammunition to destroy the relationship with the woman I really wanted to spend the rest of
my life with. Whom I loved and who until 74 days ago, loved me.

So right now, my low is lower than before. The suicidal thoughts more vivid and compelling. I have a complete disinterest in work and no focus for when I try to do

I have read your book Choose Yourself, which is how I have ended up here.

I’ll try to choose myself, but for now the going is getting tougher as they say, and I don’t think I’m anywhere close to bottom yet.