$10,946.60

How much do you have to give someone for them not to treat you like shit? For them to think the best of you? For them to accept your choices?

And this amount. The $10,946.60 is just a small part of the total. Not quite a drop in the ocean. This however is just PayPal. Not the Western Union, the MoneyGram, the bank transfers, the purchases made on credit cards and Goodness knows what else. So over years this amount was given for work that was not delivered, bills, repairs, rent, food, medication… it was given to look after someone vulnerable. To keep a promise. A promise that I would always be her friend, always be there for her, as her friend. Because there was no one else that would look after her at all.

And the payback? The reward? To have my life destroyed because I was in love and making a life with another woman.

This amount was above my desk, but I’ve removed it today. If I haven’t learned the lesson now then God alone can help me.

Talking to my friend yesterday we mentioned the people who get taken in my the Nigerian Scammers and cowboy builders. I was in a similar situation. I wasn’t scammed, but I paid out good money after bad. And I did so in the hope that things would come right. That at some point the stars would align and I’d be free. That she’d get the help I was encouraging her to get, the medication that I was providing money for. For her to see I’d done my best by her and she should let me go free. Without hatred. Without destroying my life with the nuclear option, the mutually assured destruction.

It wasn’t to be.

But lessons learned:

• Trust your gut.
• Don’t pay out good money after bad.
• Remain absolutely faithful to those you love, those who love you and have your best interests at heart.